Mommy moment

There are so many emotions tide up in having a newborn. I prepared mentally and physically, but I didn't consider that the newborn would be the easy child. I knew my toddler would struggle with the changing family dynamics, but I didn't know how much it would effect me. I get really frustrated with him, sometimes. The hardest part of our day is nap time. Eli has become the nap demon- screaming, crying, hitting. I'd almost gladly drop the nap than deal with his drama, except he so clearly needs it. He will lie on the ground rubbing his eyes and yawning, but he throws a fit if I suggest he's tired. I will sing and rock him and he can barely keep his eyes open for two minutes, but if I lay him in his crib he screams. If I let him cry he wont stop.

Yesterday's nap time was especially difficult. After struggling with him for an hour, losing my patience and feeling really defeated, he finally fell asleep. When he woke up he came and sat on my lap for awhile and I told him how sorry I was for getting mad at him. I told him that mommy's don't do everything perfect and that sometimes I make mistakes. I asked him to forgive me. I told him that I understand that this new change is hard for him, but that I would never leave him and that I will always love him. He didn't say anything. He got up and walked across the room for his sippy-cup. When he returned he sat next to me and said, "Eli hold mommy hand." After grasping his little hand he looked up at me and said, "Mommy, I love you."

These are the moments that make everything worth it.