Being a mother of all boys seems a little daunting. When I was pregnant with Eli we had Thanksgiving at a friends house who had three boys. They were all 1 years apart and they ran through her house like an F5 tornado. I looked on at their destruction and felt a tinge of fear, hoping that this would not be my future.
Well, here I am with boy #2- backed up with a multi-generational all-male-pattern making me realize that boys are all I may ever have. The hardest thing I had to come to terms with was the stereotype that boys are non-communicative, uninterested and end up leaving their mothers. My father is one of very few men that I've seen who still respects, serves and includes his mother. I keep thinking over the scripture in Genesis 2 that says "a man [shall] leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Cleaving is easy, but where does 'mom' fit in, in that equation?
I've been thinking about women I know that have all boys and reading blogs and I've started to see a pattern- If you have a good relationship with your sons when they are young it is more likely to carry through into their adulthood. This is something very important to me- something second only to a good relationship with my husband and the Lord. But, I'm realizing it's not something that just happens. I think it is so important to be a purposeful parent/person.
So, how do I accomplish that? What does my ideal mother act like?
She's the kind of mom that listens without criticizing. The kind that doesn't make assumptions, but asks questions. The kind that doesn't loose control, but empathetically discusses behavior issues. The kind that is happy and silly and gets down on her kids level. The kind that puts aside other priorities to spend quality time with her kids. The kind that looks her kids in the eye when she talks to them. The kind that doesn't tell her kid what to be, but finds joy in his unique differences and preferences. The kind that validates, validates, validates! The kind that does small, sweet things to remind her child that he is loved. The kind that says 'I'm sorry.' The kind that teaches her sons to cook, to clean, to do the dishes and laundry. The kind that through her example and testimony teaches her kids to love the Lord. The kind where her kids never doubt her faith. The kind that teaches respect, responsibility and loyalty. The kind that is an example of the person she wants her children to be. The kind that is positive and makes the best of life's challenges. The kind that doesn't withdraw at every altercation, but comes back again and again with love. The kind that sets limits, boundaries and says, 'no.' The kind that encourages adventure and opportunities to grow. The kind with a sense of humor who laughs often. The kind that hugs her kids even when they don't want to be hugged. The kind that is encouraging and tries to be actively involved in her kids interests. The kind that teaches grace as well as discipline. The kind that doesn't shy away from awkward conversations, but addresses things like sexual purity, pornography and puberty early and often. The kind that teaches the importance and satisfaction of hard work. The kind that promotes creativity and free thinking. The kind that emphasizes the importance of empathy, compassion and service. The kind that doesn't allow her kids to fall into the entitlement trap. The kind that teaches that mistakes and failure are not the end and that every day is a new beginning.
Seriously, I could go on and on. There is this image in my mind of the woman and mother I want to be and even though I'm not there yet, I find her encouraging. I know that some days are hard and discouraging, but I have been blessed with faith and a positive attitude and maybe they are the most important things I can give to my children. These are the gifts that fill me with confidence and give me the motivation to try to be better again and again and again.
I am so thankful that I've been so blessed to have children. I thank the Lord for trusting me with the responsibility of raising up righteous men unto him. I love them both so much already. I'm still terrified of their future joint mischief and I'm sure I'll have my fair share of damage and broken bones, but it is my intention to be the very best mother I can be. And if I'm lucky, once they're grown, they'll remember their little ol' mother from time to time too.
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