Any day now...

(39 weeks)

Now that things are coming to an end I think I can say I could do this again. I'm not quite sure if I just got it easier than most women or if it's a universal feminine conspiracy that pregnancy (especially the last month) is torture. Yes, I'm not at my A-game, but just as with all things in life there is the positive and the negative- the good days and the bad. Maybe I'm speaking too soon and I should wait another week or so and speak after going through the labor process, ha. I just keep telling myself that if it is unbearable I can always find sweet relief through drugs.

So, when I complained about swelling a month ago it was a lie. My ankles and feet look like blown up surgical gloves and when I first wake up in the morning my face looks like I've spent the night in a boxing ring (minus the bruises). My eyes are beyond super puffy, my nose looks like a brick, my lips look like they've been bee stung and I have almost no facial definition. I think I am most in mourning for my nose. I never thought I had nasal vanity, but seeing my boxy nose saddens me more than any other physical change so far.

The best thing someone said to me, my entire pregnancy, was the other week when a trendy woman complimented my shoes. I don't think I could have been more happy. I literally wore those shoes everyday for two weeks and every time I'd looked down past my non-exsistant ankles I felt, in my heart, that I was cute.

(38 weeks)

I started have electric pain shooting down my spine and legs as well as in my wrist and fingers. Doc says I have fluid around the nerves and it probably wont go away until a few weeks after I give birth. The back pain I can live with (usually), but every time I bend my wrists or put pressure on them it feels like they've broken. Also, the sharp pain in my hips and pelvis is apparently the bones grinding past each other as they shift in preparation for labor. It's seriously amazing how a woman's body is effected by pregnancy.

I am a little disappointed that my belly button hasn't popped out. I thought it was a sure thing, but apparently not. On the plus side I have been spared stretch marks so far, but I've been told they may show up after giving birth. I'm not too bothered by the idea of them though. I'm so pasty white that the few I had from childhood growth-spirts are practically invisible. I also, have a new respect for mothers who go through their third trimester in the summer. I have never been so hot in my entire life! I've got the cooler on in winter and I sleep with the window open when it's in the teens outside and I still sweat.  My new plan is to have all winter babies, because if it's above 60 degrees every discomfort is compounded.

Exhaustion has hit the last two weeks and I spend most of the day napping or resting. After waking up and eating breakfast I start feeling nauseous (yes, it's returned... boo!), but then I go back to sleep for a couple hours and wake up feeling better. Then I try to distract my over active mind for a few hours before being overwhelmed once again by exhaustion. Depending on the day I will either nap again in the afternoon or if I'm feeling peppy wait until after dinner in the early evening. I haven't been much of a napper until now and when the fatigue finally hit me I was shocked by how different it is from normal tiredness. I've done my fair share of overnighters, but pregnancy fatigue is in a league of it's own. It's like weights have been strapped to my body and every movement takes so much effort.

I have gotten to the point where painting my toe nails is pretty impossible. So, I got resourceful and recruited my husband to be my pedicurist (is that a word?). He decided he was going to go ambitious painting orange and purple stripy nails, but that ended in a gloppy mess. His second try he went a bit Edgar Allen Poe with white nails and black leafless trees. I was pretty impressed with his creativity.

I am amazed by how thoughtful people are. People have rallied around me and have been so supportive. It always amazes me how the most unexpected sources render the most blessings. It seriously baffles my mind that it wasn't my immediate family, who you'd assume would be most supportive, that has helped me most through this transition. Rather it came down to the people that are new acquaintances, church members, my extended family- aunts, uncles, cousins and people I haven't talked to in ages- people I'd forgotten and people I thought didn't know me. It seriously makes me feel both overwhelmed with gratitude and motivated to "pay it forward." People's selflessness and thoughtfulness during this time in my life has inspired me and I really want to be more assertive and not allow time, distance or my own awkwardness get in the way of being kind, because even the small things have been a huge deal to me. I seriously can't thank people enough. Even thinking about it makes me a blubbering mess.

I think the hardest thing about this last week of pregnancy is playing the waiting game. Doc says baby is ready and in position so any day now he could come. But, then again there's no sure and fast rule. He could still wait a week past his due date. It's the not knowing that is so frustrating! I go to bed every night anxious that I'll wake up in a pool of fluid and I start getting stressed if there are any dishes in the sink or the carpet isn't vacuumed- trying to keep constant vacuum lines in the carpet is pretty insane, but this irrational part of my brain demands that there be vacuum lines... always! Also, I make my husband take out the trash repeatedly throughout the day- even if it isn't full, because I worry about going into labor and forgetting it and coming home to an apartment that smells like trash.

I am still most frightened of learning how to breastfeed and I am most looking forward to seeing what Baby looks like- counting his fingers and toes, seeing if he has hair or not, if he has blue or brown eyes (I was born with brown), etc. From the ultrasound pictures we think he looks more like David, but I will definitely be inspecting his little body for my attributes. Secretly, I hope he has brown eyes and long fingers.