Man(n) Child

Last week we learned that we would be having a baby boy. When David asked if that might change my doctor said, "Well, I haven't seen one fall off, yet." So, boy it is, ha.

It's really interesting the different reactions people have to hearing the news. It's surprising how many men joke with David about his virility / procreating powers, give him a congratulatory slap on the back and tell him it's the best news a father can hear. When I mention it to women, on the other hand, they often act somewhat apologetic. I'm sure if we were having a female child the woman would cheer and the men would chant 'better luck next time.'

The day we found out the gender I couldn't get over the idea that my baby has a penis. I know that sounds stupid, but I kept thinking about how the little person inside me is growing male genitalia. What do I do with that? For me gender encompasses so much more than penises and vaginas. The essence of 'boy' was an easy thing to put my head around, but the physical differences took a day or so to get used to. This subsequently led to talking about the circumcision matter. It was a very short conversation. We're not doing it.

We've also learned about not sharing prospective baby name with people. If you allow them in on the preliminaries they'll voice their opinions wether you want them to or not. The name we are currently considering is turning unisex and all we hear is, "Isn't that a girls name?" and "He's going to be bullied!" The problem I find is that females can do/wear/be named anything a boy can, but boys can't go near anything seemingly feminine without being seen as effeminate. As the divide between gender roles narrow I find it somewhat hypocritical that men are still often unable to cross into what woman take on as feminine- even if it was originally masculine.

So, how do I feel about having a boy? I think the best way to describe it it to simply say that I'm happy. I always wanted an older brother and I think the oldest being a boy is wonderful. More than the actual gender just knowing he's a 'he' not an it is the most beautiful thing in the whole world! I actually feel like he's now a person. As soon as I heard 'boy' I was filled with so much love for my unborn baby. He is no longer a glob of cells, but a human in miniature. Also, almost immediately I began to feel major nesting instincts flaring up. Last week I was seriously stressing out in the middle of the night because I didn't have enough stuff for baby. David tried calming me and led me to go through what I already have. I think this has happened every other night for almost a week. Also, my sewing machine and knitting needles are at work non stop. It's like I've been taken over by this insane worker lady who never thinks there'll be enough hours in the day for everything that needs to be prepared, made and/or collected. It's surprising how love for this little person came so instantaneously and is the ultimate motivator, ha.