Half-baked Baby!

I am now over half way done making this little person! Surprisingly, it's gone by pretty fast. It's hard to believe in just over four months I'll have a baby.

I have become obsessed with food. This week I've been crazy for Lindt Excellence 90% cocoa bars and Lucky Charms. It's practically compulsory- I just want to eat sweets all the time. I also want to cook and bake constantly, which is really helping develop my limited culinary skills. I'm also very into experimenting with herbs and spices because I crave strong flavors. The problem is that everyday I want to eat something new so our fridge becomes full of half eaten loafs of homemade breads, left overs and ingredients for meals that just never sounded good enough to make.

I had three women in my church tell me recently they didn't know I was pregnant, but thought that I was "fat," "chubby," or "carrying a little extra weight." (Their words, not mine.) As if I don't already feel icky enough at church now I have my body image criticized. At first I cried, then I was furious and now I see it as a perfect example of how women perpetuate insecurities the media and our society tells us we should feel by putting down other women. I don't believe any of these women meant to be hurtful, but I do see it as a problem that is prevalent in the lives of modern woman- pregnant or not.

I have developed an obsession with dishes. I really get excited to do them and when there is nothing left to rinse and put in the dishwasher I actually feel sad.

I am finally able to be touched again! For the last several months every time my husband tried to hug me or cuddle up to me within 30 seconds I'd say, "Ok, I need to be free now." Now, as long as he doesn't hug me so tight that my stomach gets crushed I am ok with not being free.

My life seems to function around extremes lately. I either feel icky, tired and grumpy or energetic and happy. My latest expression is "Ouch-ee-me." David thinks it's hilarious that I walk around using this particular phrase to self comfort, but seriously, it makes me feel better.

I started looking at baby clothes. I was surprised at how expensive they are! The hubs refuses to dress baby in anything with "creatures" on it. Let me just say everything has little printed/embroidered animals, bugs or weird food people on them. I am somewhat less anti-creature- probably because I'm the one seeing what's available and in our budget. David loves stripes, plaids and browns. I like white, grey and navy solids. If I had the money I'd dress my baby in everything Gap- the new Maine Collection is to die for!

I've been buying and reading a lot of children's books lately. I know it'll be years before Baby will read, but I think it'd be fun to read to him. David and I want to try brainwashing our child into enjoying books.

It's getting harder and harder to bend over. I can no longer put on my socks and shoes standing up.  Trying to clean the tub, pick up things off the floor and trying to get things out from under the sink make me feel like my organs are getting crushed. Knowing it's only going to get worse makes me feel claustrophobic in my own body.

I have become obsessed with the idea of having tons of children. I never had an interest in having a large family before getting pregnant, but this mix of hormones has brought out the desire in me to be surrounded by family. I keep thinking about growing old and that all I'll have left is the family I created.   David titled this philosophy "growing your own friends."