When I first found out I was pregnant I went through a phase of freaking out, hoping I would miscarry and feeling like there was no way I could do this. After that passed I felt pretty normal until week 7-8 where I had nausea for a bit in the morning. When the icky faded I went through a period of feeling physically completely normal and unnaturally happy all the time- until this week. My only complaints are the increase in frequency and intensity of IBS attacks, I get sleepy in the afternoon, but never enough to take a nap and I'm always starving. I still often feel like this whole baby thing is unreal. I stress more about what to wear than I do about labor.
And my greatest fear is breastfeeding.
And my greatest fear is breastfeeding.
This week I discovered what sets off my inner demon.
Reduced or disturbed sleep.
I had two nights of sleeping poorly and one morning I had to get up early. One night our air conditioner broke and couldn't be fixed until the following day. With it being 105 degrees outside at midnight it made for a very uncomfortable night. The next day I changed from a bubbly happy prego lady into a viciously aggressive, insanely impatient, grumpy, whining, crying all the time, I hate everyone monster.
I didn't sign into my email correctly the first time and I screamed in frustration and pounded my keyboard. My friend texted me too many questions and I got overwhelmed and took it out on my cellphone while simultaneously draping myself across the arm rest of my couch and cried- hiccups and all. My mom wouldn't answer her phone and I fell onto the floor in a dramatic whoosh and cried.
I couldn't find anti-acid pills in the medicine drawer and I started throwing bottles of vitamins, Tylenol and bandaid boxes and then sat on the kitchen floor and cried. For someone who has only had upper mood swings until now all this drama made David feel really on edge and wonder who this insane woman was that had invaded his wife's body. I'm wondering the same thing myself, actually.
I couldn't find anti-acid pills in the medicine drawer and I started throwing bottles of vitamins, Tylenol and bandaid boxes and then sat on the kitchen floor and cried. For someone who has only had upper mood swings until now all this drama made David feel really on edge and wonder who this insane woman was that had invaded his wife's body. I'm wondering the same thing myself, actually.
This week my stomach has started to really show. I've noticed other people starting to notice it. I've started looking for other pregnant women, but there seems to be a lot less than I would have thought. Also, all the cute, smiley babies have all disappeared and have been replaced by their evil, screaming counterparts.
Oh yes, pregnancy affects you just as much emotionally as it does physically, unfortunately. Even after baby comes too...and breastfeeding and lack of sleep were my biggest fears too. I can't say it will be the same for you, because obviously it's different for everyone, but for me (and a lot, if not most? women, I think...), everything just came naturally. She was born to nurse! And it's a beautiful bonding experience. Honestly. I'm going to be sad to give it up soon. And you will be amazed that you can actually function just fine on way less sleep than you can now...you'll survive!
ReplyDeleteEverything happens so fast and intense that sometimes I wonder if I'm normal, ha. It's nice to know other people have experienced similar things and got through ok.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, pregnancy is crazy. Like PMS all the time, right? Fun! :) You know how people say, "I miss being pregnant!" or "I loved being pregnant!" LIES.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you haven't been throwing up constantly.